01.23.2016

I woke up this morning to a white flurry of beautiful, ambitious little puffs tenaciously swirling outside my window. They hug every corner of the glass and every nook and cranny of the buildings below, layering one on top of another in a rhythmic fashion until piles turn into mounds and mounds turn into a velvety blanket of star-like flakes that stretch as far as the eye can see. Nostalgic feelings of Christmas dance around me and I love every minute of it.

School started two weeks ago, but it feels like a month has passed by already. The busyness of D.C. tends to carry not only work but people, families, and young lives with it, and I already feel the temptation to replace these moments of restful contemplation with obsessive activity, drifting away with each piece of my work and losing pieces of myself in exchange. I hate realizing that I am producing more but accomplishing less, filling my mind with knowledge but failing to reach understanding. Perhaps these inconveniences are really convenient little mirrors we have the opportunity to look into and realize the convicting disparity between who we are, who we want to be and who we’re called to be.

I finally took some time to read my Bible this morning-- a refreshing habit I too often displace with excuses of busyness or needing sleep. This prayerful reflection brought realization of a dangerous leech that routinely sucks all the fulfillment from my activity-driven life. It’s a habit I’ve wrestled with time and time again, and every time I think it has been conquered, it threatens to destroy my joy, my love, and my purpose. That leech is self-centeredness. While pride wants me to focus on my accomplishments and how other people perceive those accomplishments, and selfishness wants me to push everyone else aside for my own goals, self-centeredness is a messy, narcissistic blend of the two which prompts me to focus on myself, my abilities, and my performance. I find myself guilty of a self-centered attitude daily, in little habits like routinely checking Facebook to see how many likes my latest post has tallied, or contemplating how thoughtful and sagacious my words must sound to a friend in need instead of really listening to that friend’s heart-felt struggles. By sympathizing with myself instead of identifying with Christ, I invite my flesh to distort my love for Christ into a love for my own image.

Self-centeredness is easy to identify—ask yourself, “what is my motivation in posting that picture on facebook, or talking about all the activities I’m involved in?"—but so hard to admit, especially for students who are supposed to focus on what *I* want to do, what *I* want to accomplish, what *I’m* involved in, where *I’m* going to go to school next.  Though these are good questions and they should be asked, we shouldn’t be looking to ourselves for the answers, and we shouldn’t be making “me” the center of those plans. This part is so hard for me because I want to move forward and I want to be successful, I want to plan out every step toward that success and I want to be recognized for my accomplishments. My selfish nature wants to claim the credit instead of celebrating the one who created me, designed my purpose, and accomplishes His purpose in me with boundless grace. The truth is that we are all simply tools for a greater purpose, and the college degree I’m earning isn’t a gold medal to be claimed and flaunted; my degree represents the process of training and preparation for the work G-d is going to accomplish through me—“ye are not your own.” (I Corinthians 6:19) The source for purpose and direction should not be ourselves, because this life is not about us. It’s about something so much bigger.

It isn’t enough for us to take the focus off our own reflections though; we have to replace that void with something else, otherwise self-centeredness creeps back in and forces us to stare into the haunting, empty form of our self-serving goals. Focusing on ourselves less is not the answer; we have to focus on something else more. We have to focus on G-d more. So how do we reflect G-d’s image instead of our own, when we don’t even fully comprehend who G-d is, much less what His image is supposed to look like?

Oswald Chambers answers with beautiful simplicity:

“The greatest characteristic a Christian can exhibit is this: completely unveiled openness before G-d, which allows that person’s life to become a mirror for others. When the Spirit fills us, we are transformed, and by beholding G-d we become mirrors. You can always tell when someone has been beholding the glory of the L-rd, because your inner spirit senses that he mirrors the L-rd’s own character.”

Have you ever felt the refreshing spirit of someone who mirrors the G-d’s character? Just being around them is a transformative experience. When we allow G-d to renew our minds, we allow Him to change us from the inside out and shape us into a shining beacon of his hope, joy, and love to others. That shining light both convicts those around us and draws them near to the healing power of His grace.

Renewing our minds isn’t just a contemplative experience though; our renewal must be lived out. Paul reminds the church in Romans 12:2:

“Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what G-d’s will is—His good, pleasing, and perfect will.”

Living in openness to G-d means testing and approving His will, making yourself willing and available to do whatever He calls you to, exactly when He calls you to do it. This is the life of faith, relying on G-d’s ability to direct your life rather than your ability to steer the wheel around the bend just down the road. It means being brave enough to talk to and pray for the stranger next to you in the grocery store when He prompts, or taking the time to read your Bible in the morning even though you have a million things to accomplish, trusting that He will bless and multiply your productivity because you put Him first. Being a mirror of G-d’s character requires a shift from faith in self to faith in G-d.

A mirror doesn’t stay sparkling and clean on its own though. Before long, the fingerprints of mischievous toddlers captivated by the mystery of their reflections adorn the glass and its frame, and soon layers of dust faithfully obliterate their memory. The mirror becomes dirty, stained and forgotten, and passerbys, failing to recognize it, forget the purpose it once served. Chambers reminds us of the diligence with which we must keep our mirror pure and spotless:

“Beware of anything that would spot or tarnish that mirror in you. It is almost always something good that will stain it—something good but not what is best….Let other things come and go as they will; but never allow anything to obscure the life that is ‘hidden with Christ in G-d’ (Colossians 3:3).”

Putting aside the worries of this world and staying open to G-d’s spirit is so much easier said than done, and I think that is partly because we cannot and should not overcome self-centeredness on our own—to do so would deny our need for dependence on Him. He wants us to humble ourselves and allow our weaknesses to be made strong by His grace as He fights our battle. Paul describes this hope to the Corinthians in 13:12 of his first letter, “For now we see through a glass, darkly, but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.”

 Staying open to G-d’s spirit is hard. The distractions are very real. But habitually practicing receptivity to His spirit is always worth it.

One of my fondest memories as a child was at an old Hungarian church, where as a six-year old little girl I vividly remember hearing my father and grandparents sing “Keep Your Eyes Upon Jesus” in their native tongue. Though I didn’t understand the words at the time, I remember being captivated by the joy, belief and expectation transfixed on their faces as they confidently sang every verse. They had suffered through communism, the Hungarian revolution, death, sickness, and persecution for their beliefs, but their conviction and faith remained unshaken. “Neither life nor death…nor anything will be able to separate you from the love which is in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:38-39)

When we look into the eyes of Christ, the weight of our burdens fall apart—they literally melt away. It’s like walking into a warm, cozy building after trudging through a blizzard; the hot, blowing air immediately melts snowflakes off your coat and eyelashes, and all evidence of your frosty adventure vanishes.  Christ has already promised us the joy and freedom of living in His grace, but unfortunately many of us choose to be captivated by the thrilling, perilous storm rather than live with our eyes fixed on the truth of His promises.

While 2016 is already brimming with activities, obligations, experiences and opportunities, let us resolve to keep our eyes on Him, staying open to His Spirit. And in doing so, we keep our hands and hearts free to serve and love those who need His grace.